The Pounding of My Heart

My heart was pounding in my chest and it felt like it was going to burst through my throat. Then the nauseous kicked in and of course I am on a phone call with a client. "Okay, just breath thru this and you won't get sick on the call." This is what I was telling myself. Luckily I was able to make it through my call without getting sick. Thank goodness!

I woke up not feeling so hot, but figured it was just a case of the Mondays. As the morning went on, the worse I started to feel. Of course work was crazy busy and my anxiety was already in overdrive. Getting sick was just not what I needed. 

I decided to take a nice long Epson Salt soak to help me with my muscle soreness and nausea. It helped relaxed my muscles and the heat helped my stomach feel better, along with a Tums or two. 

However, while I sat in there I could hear my heart beat in my ears as it pounded hard in my chest. I also felt like I couldn't catch my breath. Why would I be out of breath, I was laying in a nice hot soaking tub, it's not like I was running or anything. My anxiety was just not going away, even though I was starting to feel better. I then realized that this might not be a stomach bug, but my anxiety and depression that is causing my sickness. 

We all have those days where no matter what we just can't shake it. Whatever symptoms you have, since they are different for people, you know how controlling this situation can be. This was not due to work or my personal life, as both are good. It is generalized anxiety and depression, which typically go hand in hand. Which in turn causes my compulsions and obsessions to flare as well. Fun times!

I need a break. Whether that is a vacation, camping for a weekend, a small get together with friends, or just time at home to re-focus again. I am still trying to get an appointment with a Psychiatrist to look at changing or tweaking my medications. Thank goodness that I am a very strong person and I won't break, I just need one. There is a difference. 

Having small successes throughout my day or week does help though. I like to feel like I have helped and made a difference in something and/or accomplished something. This is why I crochet, read, and volunteer. Crocheting gives me the ability to create something and I get a feeling of accomplishment from that. Reading lets me focus only on what I am reading and it stops the constant thoughts that are flooding my mind. And lastly volunteering. That takes me out of the "me space" in my head as well and I can focus on others that need something that I can provide to them. That gives me the feeling like I have helped others and accomplished something as well. 

I think we forget about ourselves way too much. I know I have said this before and I am sure I will say it again. But we truly need time for ourselves, daily, weekly, hourly, whatever you need. Taking "me time" every morning before work to drink coffee and talk to my mom or friends, has really seemed to help me lately. It puts me in a good mood and makes me start my day off with a positive outlook. Starting your day off right makes a big difference but don't let it end there like I do. I need to continue all day long; taking that time to walk away and eat lunch, going for a quick run, walking the pups to get the mail, doing some small chores around the house (remember I like to clean, LOL), or just playing with my pups and George the Cat. These things during the day will help you focus on you and make sure that you are getting that time needed. Tell a family or friend that you need them, and how much they help. 

With that being said as I end my blog for today; I want to thank my mom and my friend Sharon for being those two for me in the mornings to call and talk with. Thank you and I love you; those calls mean a lot, even if we don't talk about anything important.