I made it and enjoyed our getaway trip to the mountains! Don’t get me wrong, every moment was an internal struggle with my OCD. Yet, there is a calm after the storm of my anxiety of the weekend, as I am back home and back to my normal routines. Peacefulness!
As soon as we got there on Friday afternoon, I realized I had forgot my slippers!!! OMG NO!!!!!!!!!!!!! What was I going to do? I was freaking out and my internal struggle began. Then I realized that I had my Lysol spray in my car trunk from softball practice. (I sprayed out the helmets before practice and after practice; I don’t know why, but I feel better when I do it.) But luckily for me it was still in there and was my compulsion for my current situation. So I took it and sprayed all of the carpet in the room. Yup I totally did that. It gave me the relief that I needed to mentally feel comfortable in the room.
After that I felt okay. For me this is normal, but I know it really isn’t a normal way to think or handle this situation. It is something still in the works, to learn to not allow these compulsions to win and take over, but I am hopeful.
This weekend was an overall win for me, and I am so incredibly proud of myself. Not only for the carpet, but I also managed to actual sit in the hot spring pools. Yes, you heard me correctly, I sat in the public hot spring pools. Not only did I sit in them, I actually enjoyed them. It was a challenge every single second I was in there, but for me I needed to do this for so many reasons. Not to mention, sitting in a natural hot spring isn’t something you can get to do every day.
This was an extremely important win for me on so many levels. Just when I thought I wasn’t going to be able to hand the weekend before I left, I was wrong. Not only did I handle it, I enjoyed it and stayed calm and was anxiety free 50% of the time. I can’t expect to be anxiety free 100% of the time when I am surrounded by situations that make me uneasy and anxious. My OCD was in check, not totally in control. There are several things I could have done differently and I know that, but I feel good. And honestly feeling good is an amazing feeling, when most of the time I feel anxious.