there are good days, then there are great days, but that also comes with bad days and even worse days. To be completely honestly I have been having some pretty bad days lately. But I don’t understand why.
Work is going well for me. I love coaching softball and I am really getting a lot out of it and I think the girls are too. I am so glad that we are back home in CO and I am really progressing on our home improvements. Plus my mom and aunt are coming to visit next week. All of these wonderful and happy things in my life currently, yet, I am severely depressed. It doesn’t make sense. I know and this is really making me mad.
I am down right pissed off to be honest. All these wonderful things are happening in my life but I am still depressed. I don’t get it either and for someone that doesn’t have mental illness it is even that much harder to understand. Just try to be in my situation. I love my life, I truly do, but I am not happy.
My husband is the best, truly. He doesn’t always understand, but truly tries and has more patience than anyone else…other than myself. I have the most patient with others and myself. Because let’s be honest, if you can’t be patient with yourself, you can’t be patient with others. I get frustrated with myself with my mental issues. Believe me, I know that what and how I feel isn’t normal and not realistic, but yet I just can’t stop these thoughts. It is a horrible internal struggle.
I want to be “better”, I want to live my life and just enjoy my daily life without my OCD thoughts taking over. I am not close to that happening but I am trying. Some days I do so well, but then there are others that I literally take a jump backwards in my progress and therapy.
Today I saw my therapist this morning and she reminded me that a step back isn’t the worst thing, it happens. I just need to continue to move forward. I also need to be cognitive of all the growth I have had lately. If you are anything like me, you focus on the bad and not focus on all the good and all the accomplishments that you have in life.
Seriously, I have done so much and grown so much in the last month or so. I am not alone in this. I need to remind myself of this every day. And being there for you virtually, you are not alone either. Stay focused and you can and will succeed in all aspects of life. I know I am, just in some areas faster than others.