Enjoying the present and living in the moment, this is something that I haven’t had in years. When I am out in public I am always “looking” for things that make me uncomfortable. If certain things bother me, then why on earth would I intentionally look for them. But that is how I am; I am so focused on the things around me that I can’t enjoy the time I am spending in places with others.
A couple weekends back was the first time I was able to enjoy myself and not “look” for things. My husband and I went out and checked out a new Brewery that had just opened and listened to live music there. I wasn’t focused on finding something gross or unsanitary, I was just enjoying myself. This was a shock when I realized it was happening. I didn’t want to ruining a good thing so I just continued on without dwelling on this success at that moment. However later that week I did celebrate this when I was with my therapist at therapy.
I think we tend to focus so much on the things we are working on, that we forget to celebrate our wins, our victories, our success stories. These aren’t often for me and I can say that I haven’t had this again since that weekend. That’s okay though, for me that was such a big win that I am still enjoying that “high” of not focusing on finding something that bothers me.
I started to keep a list of WINS on my desk to remind me every day that I have these wins from time to time. There was a time when I didn’t triple check if the curling iron was left on when family was visiting. That is a huge win too. Or when I was able to coach a softball team in public without wanting to wash my hands every 15 seconds. LOL. Now I can add this to the list, enjoying the moment while out in public and not looking for things that make me uncomfortable. When I am not obsessing over things, I can enjoy actives more.
The next two nights, tonight and tomorrow night, I have a work outing with co-worker that are from difference offices all getting together. I am so excited to meet some of these people, that I have been working with for so many years, for the first time face to face. So exciting! But the thought of going out and not being able to pick the place is bothering me. I know certain places in town that I am comfortable with because I know they are clean and sanitary. Fingers crossed that I don’t dwell on stuff so I can enjoy my time out. I don’t want them to see me “acting weird” or something when meeting them for the first time in person. I mean, my friends know my little quirks and they understand. Only a small handful of my coworkers know I struggle with OCD/Anxiety/Depression/ADHD. Working remotely from my home, lets me hide these issues from coworkers. I mean, I am not really hiding these they just don’t see them. You can’t hear OCD over the phone, or see it via an email.
Please don’t get me wrong, I am not ashamed of my mental illnesses, I just don’t want them to get in the way of meeting these coworkers. I am a bit stressed out and worried it will get in the way, but I can’t let it. One of the ladies I work with does know and she will understand. So that helps me a bit at least. Again, I am not wishing to hide these issues from others, I just don’t want it to disrupt my time with them. Let’s be honest, our mental illnesses can get in the way with our enjoyment of life sometimes. However let’s remember that our lives are still awesome and we need to focus on enjoying every moment even when our issues are challenging us.
We all need to remember that our issues are our own, and honestly everyone has something going on. Don’t be ashamed of who you are, talk about it to others so they can understand what you deal with. More than likely they will want to help you and make sure that you are enjoying your time and not focusing on your issues.