Ugh is it Friday yet? I know it is only Tuesday but man. I have been in a funk lately, extremely anxious and more depressed than I have been in a while. My OCD has been up and down, I have had a lot of successes yet a lot of not so successful attempts to take control.
I have recently found out that I have to be in an aircast (aka the boot) for 3-6 weeks. I have to wear it at all times, unless I am sitting down and not walking around or when I am sleeping. So most of the day, since I have ADHD and don’t sit still for long. OMG, my OCD sky rocked immediately, because my thought went straight to having to wear it in public. Nope, no way! Well luckily my friend and her family are just as accident proned as I am, so they had a boot I could borrow. So now I have two boots, one for around my house and inside only, and one for public. Score! I still can’t face that hurdle of wearing just one in public and then in my house. Even if I washed it each time I came inside I would still not be able stop thinking about where I had been and what I walked all over. (Body shivers)
To most people this wouldn’t really be a huge deal. To me it was a, not being able to think about anything else or sleep until I got the second boot, HUGE deal. During the time I only had the one boot, I was on vacation in San Francisco. On our trip I only wore it out while we were walking around anyway. I hadn’t gone to the Orthopedic Doctor yet and was just being proactive per my General Practioner’s advice. When I got back I found out I had to wear it all the time and they gave me a new one! Thank goodness, because there was no way I was going to wear the same boot inside and outside. Just wasn’t going to be able to handle that.
During our trip I was able to wear the boot and public places and I was okay with it; knowing that I didn’t have to wear it inside. On the trip I also dealt with my OCD issues with crowds, because that is a busy city folks. I did really good all things considered. I did what I needed to do to feel comfortable in my hotel rooms, but I didn’t let my OCD ruin this trip. This was the first vacation in a long time that I was able to fully enjoy and not dwell on my issues, which in turn causes some tension with me and my hubby. I was able to enjoy the moment people.
Do you know how incredibly difficult enjoying the moment can be for someone with OCD? I can’t even explain to you in words the anxiety I get when I’m not controlling every little situation and thing that is going on around me. I was and am so extremely proud of myself with this win. This was a really big success story for me. Yes, I still wiped things down, yes I still cleaned the light switches and remotes, but I did it and then moved on. I didn’t keep going back to them thinking that they aren’t clean enough.
One last thing about my trip. The thing that did make me really sad, were all the homeless that clearly had mental issues they struggled with. It hurts me to see these people on the streets, and some are struggling but not even realizing they are; clearly not getting the mental care they need. They can’t get the care they need because they are homeless and don’t have the funds to pay for the care. They can’t get a job because of their serious mental illnesses, and so the furious cycle begins. We need to do more as a society. We need to raise more awareness and funds to help these people out. Which is why I am so happy to be starting Project Mental Health Freedom here where I live. One day it will be national, I hope.
Stay strong, stay positive; because you, like me, are worth it. We mean something and do amazing things every day!