The perpetuity of my anxiety is starting to anger me. All weekend it was a struggle for me. It was like I had a panic attack the entire time without any relief. Do you know how incredibly exhausting and uncomfortable that was? So far today I am doing better. I have anxiety and I am depressed, however, it isn’t a full blown panic attack like it was all weekend long.
I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath, my skin was crawling, I couldn’t sleep but that is all I wanted to do, and I just would find myself fighting the urge to cry. This morning I didn’t have all of those feelings, just fatigue, lack of motivation and overall depression, and I let myself just break down and cry to get it out. Letting it out I think really helped but I wish I didn’t have to do that.
The thing is, I am doing better with my OCD, but that isn’t my only issue that I am dealing with. I wish that was the case, however, my anxiety and depression has jump out from behind the curtains (so to speak) and scared me, pushing me backwards in my mental health situation.
All I can say is that we all have our good and bad days. When you can see and feel that you are “doing better” it is very upsetting when you have bad days, weeks, or even months. It’s like you are taking one giant step forward only see yourself days later taking five leaps backwards. If you struggle with this too, just remember, it is a struggle and you must stay focused on the end goal. I have to remind myself of this daily.
Also make sure you are talking to someone and others about how you are feeling. They probably aren’t aware of this, because you know as well as I do, we are really good at being chameleons and blending into our surrounds; not letting others know how we are really doing.
The importance of speaking out and talking about your mental situation is way more important that anyone knows. People that don’t struggle with mental health issues will find it hard to understand, and sometimes you can’t even put into words how you are feeling, which is only that more frustrating to you. Believe me I know. I have a wonderful husband who listens and is always there for me, however, I know he doesn’t always understand how I am feeling. This is okay, I know he won’t because it isn’t him dealing with my issues, it is me. Give others a break and let them try to be there for you at least, at least they are trying.