Last night as I lay in bed, anxious like a little kid on Christmas Eve. My mom and my Aunt (my mom’s sister) are coming to visit for a week and they get here this evening.
I was anxious because I was/am excited, but also creating a to do list of things that I have to do today before they get here. Nothing too crazy, put clean sheets on bed and clean the guest bathroom, that’s all I have left to do really. Other than wash the dogs toys and they bedding and blankets like I always do when they go to the groomer. Which they were dropped off first thing this morning.
However last night as I lie in bed, I just kept thinking of these little things and it started to loop. Not something I wanted to do at 3am. I laid awake for at least an hour with this looping and obsessive thoughts in my head. I started to freak myself out like, OMG you aren’t going to have enough time to get it all done, go get our Softball Team’s photos done, and pick them up at the airport.
The thing is, I totally have enough time. I cleaned the house yesterday and literally the only thing I didn’t clean was the guest bathroom. That is nothing to freak out about. Laundry takes time but nothing difficult, so why am I obsessing about this you ask? Because I am the person that wants things to be absolutely PERFECT for guests when they visit. I am a very neat and tidy person, go figure with OCD that I am neat and tidy. LOL! But I have these unattainable expectations, and when it isn’t exactly the way I expect them to be I freak the F out. Then I go into a spiral of OCD craziness.
I know that my house is perfectly clean, however, I just want literally everything perfect. If I feel something isn’t perfect I freak out and then start to obsess over things that aren’t important. I also wanted to have everything done with the remodeling but that didn’t happen. I will let that go though.
Another thought that is torturing me mentally is the fact that they will be “germy” from being on a plane. And lets not discuss the luggage and how bad that bothers me. I already have it planned out what they will do with the luggage when they get to my house. I have to wipe it off with a Clorox wipe before it is allowed in my house. I know, I know! These are literally not things that most people would ever even think about.
Like I am debating on whether I bring my little pups to the airport when I pick them up. I am not sure I even want them to hold them and let them sit on their laps until they change their “airplane filthy” clothing. Get a grip some people would tell me. But the thing is, I seriously can’t just “get a grip” as one might say. Getting a grip of this situation would be to have them hold the dogs if the dogs were on a blanket or something on top of their laps.
Believe me people I wish I wasn’t like this. There are days that I just cry because I can’t stop these thoughts and feelings. I am not alone though, and there are other people out there that have these same or similar feelings and issues. Support them and help them, not enable them necessarily, but there will be times that you have to until they are strong enough to fight their compulsions.