I love music! Listening to music during the day helps soothe me, or even uplift me, depending on what I am listening to. On a nice rainy day, there is a certain style of music that I crave, which even though it is a bit of depressing, it is what I want to hear at that moment.
I enjoy listening to music live even more. However, with my OCD and anxiety it can be an extremely difficult thing to do even though I love it. This evening we went to see Judah & the Lion, which I was hesitant about at first. I love the band, and I wanted to go, but at the same time, I was torn and I didn’t want to be in a big crowd.
OMG huge crowds with people in my personal space is pure hell! It was 95+ degrees out, which means hot sweaty bodies all around me. The simple thought of someone touching me, just made my skin crawl. When we first got there it wasn’t bad, but slowly the closer it got to starting, more people surrounded us. We were fairly close to the stage, which others wanted to be there too, so they were pushing their way in front of us. STOP! Stop touching me, is what I wanted to scream every time someone brushed their nasty sweaty body against my sweaty nasty body.
My OCD and anxiety was winning at that point, but as soon as the band came out and started to play I started to relax; because music has that effect on me. That’s the thing, music helps me relax and enjoy the moment. I can totally get lost and fully embraced in the music that I am listening to. Feeling every beat and note, and just become one with the music that is surrounding me. Tonight however, even though music has that effect on me, I was struggling off and on with the crowd all around me.
I had my own ways to deal with the situation (rocking back and forth on my toes, taking up as much space as I could), and I managed to enjoy myself more than I expected to be completely honest. The brand is a true believer in people, they love everyone and they said that basically we all need to look past things and see each other all as a big family. I loved this, with all the hate today, this was truly nice to hear. We all brought something with us to the consert, whether it was depression, stress, anxiety or whatever, but they wanted us all to leave it and enjoy the moment. I loved this. Based on their past as a band, I believe they truly meant what they said tonight. They were speaking to me in so many ways, it was pure enjoyment listening to them perform. Not only were they great musicians, they were incredibly entertaining. They had a great view on life and I think it showed through their performance and love of what they were doing.
We all need that love of what we are doing, enjoying the moment we are in when it is happening rather than after the fact. I know I struggle with this. During the moment I am too concerned with my irrational fears and other anxiety and OCD issues, rather than enjoying it. Tonight I managed to have both for the first time in a long time. I enjoyed the moment! I can honestly say that I don’t have to enjoy it after the fact. Believe me, it was really tough, I mean really tough, but I made it through unscathed.
Tomorrow I will listen to them again, not live of course, but I know the feeling with be different. I am interested how it will feel to me at that time. We’ll have to wait and see, I really hope that I can honestly say it was better live.