t’s been a week since I posted because I have had my mom and aunt in town visiting from Michigan. It was a wonderful week with them and I they had a great time while they were here.
My mom and aunt both know about my daily struggles and are aware it has gotten worse since the last time I saw family back in MI. But they haven’t seen how controlled by my OCD I am before this visit.
I was really good though and very proud of myself. I am mentally exhausted, but nothing that they did. They were great. I honestly think that my mom got more upset about things that upset me than I actually did. LOL! If something that bothers me happens, I just explain that it upsets me and do what I need to do to feel better about the situation.
I feel it was harder on them than it was on me for them to be visiting. I know that I asked a lot of them and I am sorry. It isn’t that I didn’t want them in my house at all. Just the opposite. Them being here actually was a huge help. I know they might not have seen that, or realized it, but it was.
It made me push my limits on things that typically upset me. I made it and I am still alive, nothing horrible happened. However, I did what I needed, it isn’t that I just got over my OCD. NOPE, although, I really wish it was that easy.
Do you know how hard it was on me to tell them when things they did made me uncomfortable or upset? That is the hardest part. I hate that these feelings control me right now. I say right now because I know that I will work through this and get control again.
It is hard to explain to others how I feel and why something upsets me. The fact is sometimes I can’t explain it. Why do I wash my hands after washing my hands? I still think there are germs on there that I need to clean off. Why do I think that I need to check the doors, candles, oven, and stove over and over and over before I leave the house? Because I think that the house will blow up if I don’t check them.
Oh and my mom and aunt used curling irons and straightening irons. OMG! The thought of that plays horror movie music in my head as I write this. However, I didn’t go up and check them before we left; I would ask them, taking it from them they were off and not having to check them repeatedly myself. Which is what I do when I use my straightening iron. So that was a HUGE win for me. HUGE!! I feel good about that win, but I still check everything else even the candles that I never lit.
It’s time for me to rest my mind and allow it to get ready for another day tomorrow. I am so thankful for my family and friends that they don’t judge me for what controls me but who I am, which is a loving and happy go lucky girl who loves her life; just wishes she didn’t struggle so much with OCD, Anxiety, ADHD and depression. Doesn’t make sense to me which is another struggle since I am so happy in my life. I know that my family and friends are always there for me when I need them and are always available to listen when I need that ear. THANK YOU!