Summer has come and flown by and I haven’t had a moment to relax. Well that is what it feels like when you have OCD with anxiety. Sadly even when I had the time to relax I can’t, if you remember my post, The Pounding of My Heart.
My hubby finally has some slow time at work and we are going to take some time off and go out of town. We have decided to go to Napa/Sonoma and San Francisco, CA to visit some friends out there. As much as traveling and staying in hotels makes my OCD spiral out of control from time to time, I truly need this time off and away.
Lately I have been so busy, between my full-time job and working on the non-profit, Project Mental Health Freedom, I haven’t had time for myself. I have slacked on “me time” every morning; because I sleep as late as I can before I start work, my sleep has been more than restless lately. I have only been having my “me time” maybe a couple times a week. I love my “me time” in the mornings too; this is where I drink my cup of coffee outside on my patio and call my mom or my friend. Soon it is going to be too cold to go outside and drink my coffee in the mornings and I will be upset that I didn’t take this time now. I also haven’t been really good about taking my pups for a daily walk and I feel guilty about that, which makes my OCD flare and anxiety erupt.
It doesn’t help that I my left foot has been hurting a lot lately. Two years ago we moved into our rental house in Tennessee, I wasn’t used to the slippery hardwood floors and I slipped and fell a couple times. Each time I fell, I hurt the same part of my left foot. I got some Crocs to wear in the house and I never fell again. However, I snagged my foot on the baby gate going down into the basement. (I have one up because my one dog will go down into the basement and eat the litter box “treats”. YUCK!) Needless to say, I fell, all the way down the steps. Since then my foot hurts again and in the same spot of course. A few days later after my fight with the baby gate resulting to the tumble down the stairs, I dropped the gallon of ice cream on my foot. Sigh! All I wanted was a little treat and now my foot hurts all the time.
Now that it hurts constantly and heading on a vacation soon, where we will be doing a lot of walking, I decided to go to doctor. X-rays show no break and my doctor couldn’t see a stress fracture either. Which means I now have to go to an Orthopedist later this month to see if it is a ligament or a tendon. Of course this stresses me out and I have anxiety that I might need to have surgery on my foot. I don’t want that. I am a big baby when it comes to stuff like that. OCD with anxiety makes these situations even more difficult because my mind goes to the worst case scenario immediately and never the best case scenario.
So on top of my job and non-profit work, my foot hurts and it is stressing me out. I am so happy I am going on vacation; even though I have all these additional stresses of travel, I am excited. I am trying not to think about the airports, the hotels, the rental car, and the public transportation. OMG, I am freaking out here! This is supposed to be fun and relaxing, but how can I relax with all of these triggers around me? This is where I struggle. I am going to try not to think about these things and just tell myself to focus on living in the moment and enjoy the moment.
Don’t forget about yourself. Take that time to look at your triggers in the eye and let them know they will not always win, and you will take control. Remind yourself to enjoy the moment. This vacation my goal is to remind myOCDself that my free spirit will soar and take charge on this trip. I will not focus on my OCD and not let it ruin my trip, I need to focus on being the free spirit that has so long been trapped inside who worries to come out.