Today was just one of those days. Every little thing upset me, I couldn’t get rid of my anxiety and I couldn’t focus on anything. And to top it off, I didn’t want to touch anything and yet I did anyway.
I also didn’t feel like I was good enough. Why? I know I am more than just good enough. Yet I feel myself going down a dark alley but I can’t turn around. I hate when this happens.
I have done so good lately and I have made some extremely good accomplishments recently. However, it has mentally exhausted me. So much that I struggle doing things for myself and not things that I have to do to make myself comfortable, but me time. I need some me time pretty bad. My therapist had to point that out to me today which was a shock to me.
Today it hit me, I don’t like doing anything again. I don’t have motivation to do anything for myself. I DO have motivation to do anything for my little pups and my hubby. They are my life. Honestly if it weren’t for the pups today, I think I would have stayed in bed all day and worked from bed as well.
I did manage to treat myself today. After my therapy appointment, I took myself out to lunch. This was a nice break. I was alone and not with a friend or anything yet I enjoyed it. I typically don’t like to eat lunch alone yet I do it from time to time anyway. Sometimes you just have to.
As I sit here tonight on my couch with my pups, I realize how depressed I am again. OMG it pisses me off that I am depressed. I mean, I love my life and I am so happy that I am back in CO. I had a wonderful time with my mom and aunt. There is absolutely no reason for me to be depressed, none at all. But yet, I just can’t get out of this dark alley, it is like a wrong turn and you can’t get turned around and back on the right path fast enough.
I am truly blessed to have the family and friends I have to talk to about this. Even though they might not totally understand what I feel like and why, they are always there for me to talk to. I pray that every one of you have that as well. At least one person, that person could be the difference in your life and what direction you turn when you are in the dark alley. Please find someone to talk to, I know I couldn’t do this on my own.