it is exciting, stressful, anxiety filled, and exhausting. Don’t get me wrong, I love traveling, but recently my OCD has taken over and controls my life more than I would like. So traveling isn’t as relaxing as I would like, it is far from that.
Our lovely friends are getting married this weekend up in the mountains of CO. We are so happy and excited for them. Plus, this is a new area to explore that we haven’t seen in CO and are very excited. Hot springs, mountain vistas, and nature all around us!! Sounds perfect right, yes!!
However, for me, I am thinking: shared beds, dirty carpets, germ covered door knobs, gross and unclean remotes, and god only knows what was last thing touching everything in the bathroom. Just thinking about that is causing anxiety for me and making me exhausted. Yes I know they clean the rooms, and this is a very nice place we are staying at for the wedding, but it is the unknown that makes me freak out and my OCD take over and fill with anxiety. It makes me in a bad mood. Nobody wants that on their getaways.
I am a person who doesn’t allow shoes to be worn in their home, obviously. So in places like this, where I know others have worn there shoes inside, just makes my skin crawl from being so uncomfortable. I have to bring slippers to wear, and I make my hubby wear them too. If he were to get into the bed after touching the floor with his bare feet or socks and then touch the sheets, I would freak the BLEEP out! I would probably get angry, shake, cry, and even start to hyperventilate from breathing so hard. Full blown panic attack, which isn’t the best way to end your day.
He doesn’t get it because he knows I am a smart person who knows how germs work. I know my thoughts are not rational, but I can’t stop them. Then they start to loop in my head and control that moment, where all I can think about is cleaning or removing myself totally from that situation.
I am trying cognitive behavioral therapy for the first time and I am hopeful. Every once in a while, I do something that shocks me. “OMG, I didn’t use hand sanitizer as soon as I touch something in public!” I should own stock in hand sanitizer as much as I use it, I would make myself rich. LOL!
Then there are others days that I revert back to my old ways, which means I have to start all over again. I am hopeful that I will get my OCD under control, which will lower my anxiety along with it.
If you feel like you are losing control of your mental issues, talk about it. Open up to others, talking is therapy in itself. Get help and don’t be ashamed. You are they way you are, you deserve the help that you need, and remember love yourself and others will too.